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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28762788">Infinity Minus One</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkaterCheese/pseuds/SkaterCheese'>SkaterCheese</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Inanimate Insanity (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Timeline, Alternate Universe, Multi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:08:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,896</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28762788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkaterCheese/pseuds/SkaterCheese</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Test Tube and Lightbulb messed with time travel, they created an alternate timeline in which Salt and Pepper became the world's fabulously malevolent overlords - and the new hosts of Inanimate Insanity Infinity. There the grass is purple, the clouds are cubic, and eliminated contestants are flung into a black hole, never to be seen again. It's not a pretty sight.  But it raises an even uglier question: how did we get here?</p><p>Join Paintbrush, Marshmallow and the others as they battle it out for a million dollars in Inanimate Insanity, in a timeline where everything is ever so slightly off. What new trials will they all face? Who will come out on top when the dust settles under these strange new circumstances? And is the twig okay?</p><p>Fourteen contestants... One million dollars... A critical schism in the flow of time. This is Infinity Minus One.</p><p>(Collaboration with Jennings AsYetUntitled)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Apple/Marshmallow (Inanimate Insanity), Lightbulb/Paintbrush (Inanimate Insanity), Pepper &amp; Salt (Inanimate Insanity)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A Shaken-Up Timeline</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Salt actually wins! Pepper also wins! Which means… they can pick the teams!”</p><p><em>‘Huh?’ </em>Paintbrush looked at the winners, their gaze punctuated by shocked blinks. They’d seen lots of questionable sights that day, but if two people who couldn't even decide when to jump together clinched victory in the first ever challenge, this was going to be one bizarre season, indeed.</p><p>They could only assume that everyone else was surprised like they were; they were more or less silent, save for the occasional “oh, come on!” at least. The atmosphere was thicker, bleaker; it filled Paintbrush with unease.</p><p>Then again, this wasn't the chattiest group to begin with, so it was probably Paintbrush’s own perception. They <em> hated </em>to lose, after all, just like they hated the unexplainable and the unexplained.</p><p>Which made a flash of green light in the corner of their eye even more unignorable to Paintbrush.</p><p>Up they stood, still blinking profusely from the flash, to search for its source. A scan of the surrounding hills showed nothing out of the ordinary; none of the other contestants had reacted. Out of the entire crowd, the lightbulb with a vacant look on her face stuck out.</p><p>Paintbrush cleared their throat as they approached her. Talking to her ought to illuminate things, so they cleared their throat.</p><p>“Um - uh, Lightbulb, right?”</p><p>Lightbulb beamed. “Hi, you! What’s got your bristles in a tangle?”</p><p>“Well, you see, uh -” Paintbrush found themselves stumbling over their surroundings as well as their words as they nearly tripped over a rogue twig. “I couldn’t help but notice you were… trying to get my attention just then.”</p><p>“Really?” she replied cheerfully. “Coulda’ swore I was thinking about what’s for dinner all day.”</p><p>Paintbrush paused, glancing around. Nobody else quite looked like Lightbulb around these parts. “...I must have had you confused for someone else, then,” they lied. “Don’t worry about it.”</p><p>“Oh! I get it, an easy mistake to make.” She chuckled and gave Paintbrush a reassuring pat on the shoulder.</p><p>Paintbrush could feel a jolt of static where Lightbulb’s hand had been. They absentmindedly rubbed the spot with their hand, massaging the sting away, as the gears of their mind worked.</p><p>“Paintbrush, are you deaf? I, like, totally just picked you.”</p><p>Snapping back to reality, Paintbrush turned to face the drawly voice. It belonged to none other than Salt; she briefly glared at them, but quickly went back to sizing up the competition. She was standing on a pink rug that suited her improbably well. OJ stood on it, too, but his presence was downright mouselike compared to hers. <em> Clearly, </em>Paintbrush missed something.</p><p>“Guess that’s your call to action, girl! Catch you later!” Lightbulb shoved them towards Salt, then flashed some finger guns their way.</p><p>Paintbrush forgot to answer as they dabbled in their thoughts again on the way.</p><p>They half considered asking OJ if he’d tried to get their attention, but they were <em> certain </em> it couldn't have been OJ. One of the people they saw earlier had been tall and <em> green. </em></p><p>And there was no doubt, it was <em> Lightbulb </em>who stood next to her.</p><p>Sure, she said catch you later, but had she already ‘caught them’ before, somehow?</p><p>***</p><p>As luck would have it, they did not catch each other later, as they got put onto separate teams.</p><p>As hard as Paintbrush tried to push the thought from their head, it lingered there like a stain of burnt oil, all the way through the team-picking to the explanation of the next challenge. They only half-listened to the blue phone-man. These thoughts and questions had Paintbrush on auto-pilot mode, until Salt’s jaded commands smacked them back to reality:</p><p>“What are you all waiting for, Team Fabulous? Bring us the lemons!”</p><p>Paintbrush scoffed at the mention of their team - they <em> weren’t even paying attention, </em>and they knew who picked it.  They lightly slapped their cheeks to psyche themselves up for the challenge; it was a good start, since  everyone else was otherwise ‘busy’.</p><p>Salt was doing nothing helpful and spewing out pointless orders, while the bomb and the glass of orange juice were elsewhere on the phone taking orders of their own. Grimacing, Paintbrush turned towards the lemon tree that nobody else seemed to -</p><p>“Ouch!”</p><p>Someone crashed to the ground at Paintbrush’s feet. A marshmallow with a short stature lay face down, groaning in pain. Paintbrush did not hesitate to offer a helping hand.</p><p>“Hey,” Paintbrush whispered, tapping on the marshmallow’s  head and gingerly rolling them over. “You doing okay, uh… Marshmallow?” They waited with an arm outstretched.</p><p>Marshmallow beamed. “You’re with us at last! Come on, those lemons aren’t gonna pick themselves.”</p><p>She got to her feet immediately, batting Paintbrush’s arm to one side and jogging as fast as her little legs could carry her. She ground to a halt at the base of the tree, then spun almost gracefully on her heel to face Paintbrush.</p><p> “Hey! That means help me up!”</p><p>“Right- right!” Paintbrush muttered, finally picking up the pace and running towards the tree. Marshmallow greeted them with a smirk on arrival, not wasting any time as she climbed onto their back.</p><p>“Seriously, you’ve been out of it all day! I hope you’re not always like this.”</p><p>Paintbrush fumbled for a second, reciting what they’d been trying to tell themself. “...Got it. Less chatter, more game-face.”</p><p>“Now that’s what I like to hear!” Marshmallow vaulted off Paintbrush’s back onto a low branch, beckoning them to climb with her.</p><p>Branch by branch, up they clambered towards the golden glow of the lemons and victory. Come <em> on, </em>Paintbrush, that’s the way - whoops! </p><p>They accidentally plowed past Paper, sending him and his cradled lemons tumbling back to the ground. There was a very loud thud for a loose-leaf. Only time to wince and carry on.</p><p>They broke through the foliage at the top of the tree.  The sun’s light washed over them, and with it so did an optimistic attitude: “Woo!”</p><p>Gathering all of the lemons they could see, soon Paintbrush had a veritable citrus surplus in their hands. They nudged Marshmallow to get her attention, but once they looked up, they understood her silence as MePhone 4 spoke up.</p><p>“With one Hell of a lot of lemons, Taco wins for Team Chickenleg!”</p><p>Taco was still coughing lemons into her container.. Could tacos even naturally do that? Paintbrush thought as their hands relaxed and let go of the lemons in defeat. They rained down on an unfortunate Paper yet again.</p><p>“Guess that’s that, then,” Marshmallow sighed as she looked back at the rest of Team Fabulous. “Who are you voting for?”</p><p>Paintbrush’s first instinct was to stare down the bratty little salt shaker, who was scolding Pickle and Paper at the base of the tree for whatever reason. Those two hadn’t done anything wrong, right? </p><p>Their frown curled further downwards once they saw OJ and Bomb, who hadn’t done anything at all, snacking on egg-rolls and teriyaki steak. “Oh, no question.”</p><p>***</p><p>Paintbrush had just casted their vote for Bomb that evening when Marshmallow caught up to them again. The two exchanged smiles and began to amble, with no real destination in mind. All there was to do was explore the rolling fields and strange cliffs within the competition’s bounds.</p><p>“Thanks for bucking up during the challenge, by the way. At least it wasn’t a total failure,” Marshmallow said after a few moments of chatter.</p><p>“It’s no problem! This season’s sure to be interesting.” Paintbrush chuckled. “I tell you what, that business with Taco is the new weirdest thing I’ve seen all day!”</p><p>Marshmallow perked up. “Right! - Wait, new weirdest thing?” She took a second to stop in her tracks, and think about it. As she pieced everything together, her mouth formed a perfect O, gasping in realization. “...so <em>that’s</em> why you were so spacey today!”</p><p>“Ha, yeah…”</p><p>“Do you think you could clue me in on it all?”</p><p>They both paused for a moment as Paintbrush’s gaze wandered back over to the nearby Lightbulb, who was on her knees idly tearing at the grass. They didn’t even remember their question! Was there any way to share their experience without looking like a head-case?</p><p>Ultimately, they smiled uneasily.</p><p>“Long story short, I think I’ve been seeing double.”</p><p>They’d leave it at that for now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. He Lost Inanimate Insanity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Image accompaniment:</p><p>https://img.wattpad.com/11a53d53c1f657c5e99202f9884d89bb95fd01a5/68747470733a2f2f696d672e776174747061642e636f6d2f73746f72795f70617274732f313032383135393436362f696d616765732f313636346435653066393561353330663438333636303439363735312e706e67?s=fit&amp;h=360&amp;w=720&amp;q=80</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Marshmallow wouldn’t consider herself a reality TV expert by any means — hardly even a fan — but she was fairly certain that most competently-run competition shows had less stupidity to them than Inanimate Insanity did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For example! People generally tried their best at the challenge of the day, right? That wasn’t the case on this show at all. </span>
  <em>
    <span>OJ</span>
  </em>
  <span> sat around ordering Chinese Food, so he got thrown out. Then Paper got the cut because he couldn't even withstand a lemon to the face. You’d really expect people to be willing to fight for a million dollars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That wasn’t to say she had any complaints about Knife being out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As for their host?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, considering the newbies were blasting each other with exploding paint, in a way-unnecessary show of brutal force…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Speaking of, with a scream, the final contender was out. MePhone put an arm around the triumphant contestant. “The winner is Apple,” he declared, “so she will have immunity.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Apple exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The next challenge will be to determine which team wins the new contestant,” MePhone explained. “Today we’ll be having a three-part race. Whoever gets their baton across the finish-line first wins. Without further ado, the people who will be competing today are…” A computer screen behind MePhone lit up; it would be Nickel, Lightbulb, and Baseball for Team Chickenleg, and Bomb, Pickle, and…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marsh stood up straighter. Time to bring it home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MePhone 4’s smiling face was the first thing Marsh saw when she came to. “Thank goodness for MeLife! Technology sure is something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhhh, yeah.” Marsh eyed him weirdly for a second, then started to walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took Marsh a moment to remember what happened as she walked away. She frowned as the memory poured in. She’d hardly even gotten a glimpse of Baseball before a stiff breeze sent her careening off the boardwalk and onto the blade below. She’d hardly gotten to think about it before her world went black.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So basically, the relay race didn’t work out - even though victory had been so close she could practically taste it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marsh’s pride was as scuffed as her well-loved Walmart card. Her stomach tossed as she remembered what that meant… another elimination.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not to mention losing out on the reward-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmmm...” She followed the source of that strange voice, raising an eyebrow. She ducked behind a bush and peered through its branches: the new contestant was sitting alone, save for the book propped up beside her. “Before you go, can you just remind me what II means?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The book wasn’t alive nor had it ever been alive. Marsh opened her mouth to answer her, but she - didn’t MePhone 4 call her Apple? - quickly corrected herself. “Oh wait, I guess I should be asking my new teammates. I’m so used to being alone that I forgot!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘That’s sad,’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Marsh thought, perhaps a bit smugly, before her stomach twisted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘It’s a shame she’s not my teammate.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhhhh, who’s there?” Apple exclaimed, looking around wildly, and Marsh’s heart skipped a beat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Marsh could speak, someone else cut in, “Yo yo epic yo!” Lightbulb stopped next to Apple. “Welcome to Team Chickenleg, vitamin C!”</span>
</p><p><span>Marsh felt something shift in her. </span><em><span>‘Why</span></em> <em><span>does it feel like </span></em><span>I</span><em><span> should be the one talking to her?’</span></em></p><p>
  <span>“Are you the team leader?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s the gray gal. My name’s Lightbulb!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Apple paused. “What’s a lightbulb?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever it wants to be. Now c’mere, you gotta meet Baseball and Taco!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Lightbulb dragged Apple off, Marsh’s brow furrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had been prepared for the sourness of her defeat to wash over her...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What she wasn’t prepared for was that incredible sense of deja-vu. Make no mistake, in the depths of her heart, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>this didn’t feel right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One dim afternoon, watching Apple and Lightbulb jump amongst crunchy autumn leaves, Marsh made her feelings known: “Do you ever get the feeling that something is off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Everything. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s like someone broke into my house and moved everything two inches to the right, except on the cosmic scale. Maybe </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> why everything in this competition is so stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or maybe MePhone doesn’t know what he’s doing,” Paintbrush offered. They hadn’t even looked up from the pumpkin they were carving since Marsh started talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, without a doubt. It just feels like </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>than that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lightbulb handed Apple something that made her beam with glee. Marsh blinked and shook her head, her heart stuttering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You agree those two should be here with us, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Paintbrush looked up and noticed the Team Chickenleggers frolicking about. After a moment, they frowned. “Now that you mention it…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>See?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Marsh exclaimed, gesturing. “And she’s the weirdest thing about all of this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Paintbrush finally looked at Marsh. “...Lightbulb?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apple! It- feels like I've met her before— maybe in a dream. But I don’t remember what it was about, when I had it, or even if it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> a dream. Either way, I think I know her from somewhere. How else would it feel like I know her?” Then again, she often felt as though things weren’t right - she’d accepted that as the reality of this show. That was a whole can of worms she was wholly unprepared to explain, though. “It’s been bothering me a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Where </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>I know her from?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should ask her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marsh scoffed, “How could I without looking like a creep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt she cares about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” Lightbulb threw a bunch of leaves onto Apple’s head; she shook them off like she was a dog. “Tell me I’m going crazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure I can do that.” Paintbrush paused. Marsh looked at them with interest. “...During the first challenge, I saw Lightbulb trying to get my attention, but she didn’t look out of it like the rest of us. But I turned around, and she was right </span>
  <em>
    <span>there, </span>
  </em>
  <span>standing with everyone else. It was like I was seeing double! I know it must sound really stupid, though-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no stupider than how I feel.” Marsh jumped to her feet, suddenly feeling full of energy. “I wonder how that relates to this weird deja-vu. ”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It could be a coincidence,” Paintbrush answered, but didn't sound convinced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Marsh shook her head. “Ugh, you’ll have to forgive me for getting excited - I’m just so glad that I’m not alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s OK.” Paintbrush briefly smiled, then looked off to the side. “I just wish I could remember the question I had…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe asking them will dredge something up. For all we know, they feel the same way we do. Here’ll, I’ll go check-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marsh froze as she whirled around. The instant set her eyes on Apple again, her stomach filled with moths. She couldn’t bring herself to go closer because of- as stupid as it was, nerves!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she immediately turned back around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe I’ll ask tomorrow instead, though,” Marsh stammered with a nervous laugh. “It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>getting late...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah,” Paintbrush raised an eyebrow. “There’s no rush.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Marsh took a deep breath, reminding herself of just that. “Right...”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Crappy Halloween</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Like, seriously, MePhone? A 1-in-the-morning wake-up call for a challenge?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the other Chickenleggers tumbled around in the autumn leaves, Pepper slumped lazily against a nearby lemon tree, carving out a pumpkin still dripping with a coat of purple paint that she’d applied. Or was it pink paint? In the darkness, she found it hard to tell, but she marvelled at her masterpiece all the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Pepper wasn’t occupied with her pumpkin, she was gazing off at the haystacks where Team Fabulous’ elimination was taking place.  One by one, she watched them have candy corns pelted at them - she gripped the pumpkin harder as Salt fell into the bottom two…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh, she got her prize. Pepper sighed and focused her attention back to the ground as a green cloud appeared out of nowhere and engulfed Bomb.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...I’ve hidden a lot of candy around the island,” explained MePhone, once everyone had gathered around. “You have to get as many pieces of candy as you can and keep them in this bag.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pepper caught the bag haphazardly thrown at her and fidgeted with it. Loads of candy, use this bag, that’s all she needed to know. She turned around to get a look at the rest of her team as they split off into their own little cliques. First, she saw Taco waddling away under Baseball’s watchful eye, and she smirked. If Taco could spit up lemon candies, they’d have this challenge in the bag.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Who else was there? Oh. Pepper glowered at Balloon as he bounded off to who cares where. Of all the people to be brought back into the game, why not someone like Nickel, who was armless, but actually gave a dang about Halloween? Why that nasty blob of hot air?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lastly there was that new Apple kid. Pepper’s eyes lingered on her for a while - as well as who she was focusing on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What was she doing with someone from the other team?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pepper marched on over to see Marshmallow making conversation with Apple, or trying to at the very least. What she heard was less of a dialog, more of awkward, squeaky semi-stammering on Marshmallow’s end. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Annoying.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have no idea what you mean,” Apple cut in at some point.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I mean, is that really unusual for you?” Marshmallow rubbed the back of her head. “Maybe I can explain later! In the meantime, uh- good luck gathering candy and not trash or something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Trash…?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lightbulb grabbed Apple’s arm. “Now hold up, she can totally tell the difference.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s hard to know with that one sometimes,” Marshmallow deadpanned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lightbulb gasped like a diva. “I see how it is. I hope YOU gather nothing but trash- if your talk ain’t a can full of it already!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lightbulb dragged Apple away from the conversation, leaving Marshmallow with such a stupid, surprised expression on her face. Pepper rolled her eyes; </span>
  <em>
    <span>should really teach her to mess with my team.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pepper, I’m tired. I was supposed to be asleep, like, two hundred twenty-three minutes ago.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pepper turned around and saw Salt. And what a sight she was; she looked great even without her beauty sleep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hanging out with the other team couldn’t hurt </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> much, could it?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not missing a beat, Pepper quipped, “And, like, what’s the point of this challenge anyway? Our diet doesn’t have room for candy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Salt gasped in a way that could have sounded forced to anybody but Pepper. “You… are so right!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s just skip this one. We’ve both totally earned some time off,” Pepper affirmed, praying Salt would agree. Luckily, she clasped Pepper's hand and dragged her towards the nearest tree.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Darling, you made the right call. I have </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> much I need to fill you in on.” As Salt was talking, she gesticulated. A lot. Her free hand kept getting uncomfortably close to clocking Pepper around the head several times, but it was all small potatoes. Free time with Salty Salt made anything bearable!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Literally anything!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...and, like, can you believe Pickle said that to ME?! Pickle, of all people? The guy doesn’t even deodorize and he smells like rotten vinegar!” Salt babbled on and on about the recent misadventures of her team, and Pepper hung onto every word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her elegance was as effortless as breathing or complaining about other people to her. Every word Salt uttered tonight was so powerful, so passionate! It was no wonder Salt was able to lead Team Fabulous so… well, fabulously; she spoke her mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pepper opened her mouth to talk all about one especially dumb thing Knife did, when Salt interrupted herself. “Oh, and don’t even get me </span>
  <em>
    <span>started</span>
  </em>
  <span> on that Marshmallow girl.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pepper closed her mouth; Knife’s brutish actions could wait. “Like, what about her?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s, like, so self-important. Always going off and doing her own thing. I can’t even, like, get a proper read on her!” Salt continued.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Pepper nodded along to everything Salt said, her eyes scanned the playing field again. She watched Baseball and Taco empty a few candies each into MePhone’s bin before sharing a hi-five and leaving again rather promptly. Seriously? That wasn’t a big enough yield to celebrate! Team Chickenleg needed more!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t notice them dropping some sludgy trash into Marshmallow’s sack.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh, right, something something Marshmallow. Pepper snorted. “Oh, yeah, that. She’s got a habit of talking-” Pepper started before getting drowned out again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talking to your teammates, right! Who does she think she is, the alliance master or something?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, girl. This is my team, not yours. Stop obsessing over my peeps and go pick on someone your own size,” Pepper quipped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Salt giggled. This giggle grew into quite the belly laugh as she wiped a tear from her eye. “Oh, Pep,” she wheezed. “You’re just the </span>
  <em>
    <span>funniest</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>!</em>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pepper’s smile widened, and her eyes softened up. The conversation entered a lull, and both shakers went silent. Pepper’s mind raced as she tried to think of some equally witty jab to make at Marshmallow. Salt was right; who did she think she was, coming onto her turf and trying her hand at mind games, huh? Only Pepper was allowed to do that -</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whoa! Team Chickenleg, congrats!” exclaimed MePhone out of the blue, jolting Pepper back to the there and then. In front of her she saw their team’s bin filled to the brim with all sorts of candy, and next to that, Apple and Lightbulb sharing an awkward fist bump that took a few tries to perfect. “You guys got 235 pieces of candy!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See, Appy? That’s how us Chickens do things ‘round here,” Lightbulb chuckled, putting an arm on Apple’s head. Apple’s smile remained bright despite the bite marks all over her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Not bad, rookie, thought Pepper. Not bad at, like, all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As for Team Fabulous, you would have gotten more points if Marshmallow hadn’t brought back garbage,” MePhone continued, raising an annoyed eyebrow in Marshmallow’s direction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pepper’s sly grin grew when she caught the mischievous glance that Baseball and Taco exchanged. No </span>
  <em>
    <span>wonder </span>
  </em>
  <span>they celebrated; what sweet, sweet comeuppance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Marshmallow, for her part, looked like she’d just seen a ghost.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good news, Salty Salt,” whispered Pepper. “If the viewers have half a brain, we’ll have one less person to moan about.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I, like, really hope so.” Salt gave Pepper’s hand a little squeeze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pepper’s smile grew.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every moment Salt decided was worth spending with her was a fabulous moment indeed. She truly had no idea what Salt saw in her, but as long as Salt thought she was worth something, Pepper would do everything in her power to prove her right</span>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To that end, Pepper’s eyes kept being drawn back to Lightbulb and Apple. As the two of them celebrated their first victory together, her thoughts deepened. Two young, optimistic airheads who could stand their ground in challenges. Totally not big threats to her and Salt on their own. But if that lump of sugar wanted to play the manipulation game, then Pepper would have to get to them first.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Game on, loser.</span>
</p>
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